don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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