hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
