Me. At least after what I've been through.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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