I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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