dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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