wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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