We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
