mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
