I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
