Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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