How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
