I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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