The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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