Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
