Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
