I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
being pregnant is like rehab
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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