You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
