What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
