Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
