dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
