Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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