I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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