i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
