So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
