we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
