So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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