yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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