You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish you could order shots online.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize