white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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