drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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