The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
