Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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