he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
