My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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