i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
