Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
