yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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