I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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