When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
