He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
