You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize