The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
