Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
