1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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