Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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