I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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