I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
