Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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