There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
