Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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