just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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