***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
