well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
