I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
