he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
