I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
