Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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