did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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