Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
