i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
