there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
