I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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