I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
