Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
