can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
